What they got, and what they wish they'd heard instead.
The Kitchen Counter
MY TALK
In sixth grade, a sex-ed group came in to talk with our class. We had to bring a note home to our parents informing them we had been taught about sex in school and that this might be a good time to add any supplementary information for the questions your kid has. I gave the note to my Mom when I got home and she told me that my Dad would talk to me about it when he got home. My Dad got home, read the note, and stared at me. He picked me up and sat me on the kitchen counter. There was complete silence for what felt like hours, but was actually at least 15 minutes. Eventually my dad looked at me, took a deep breath, and gave me the only 5 words of sexual education I’ve ever gotten from my father: “Keep it in your pants.
WHAT I WANTED
A bit more substance would have been nice. Substance on anything, really.
The Picture Book
MY TALK
My mom bought me a book on the ‘changes’ of my body, and the biological make-up of babies. I went through the information with my step-dad, and was embarrassed because there were lots of pictures in that book.
WHAT I WANTED
I wish we'd talked about values, too. It was all science.
The Church Library
MY TALK
My mom summoned me to the living room, and presented books she had checked out at the church’s library re: sex, and attempted to talk to me about their contents. I remained silent, and so she handed me the stack and told me to read them myself.
WHAT I WANTED
I wish it had been personal, an actual conversation, instead of “here, read these books about sex.”
The Medical Textbook
MY TALK
My dad sat me down at the kitchen table, and walked me through the Gray’s Anatomy medical textbook (yes, that’s the reason the television drama is titled as such). Very anatomically/biologically-driven conversation. Felt like a mildly uncomfortable and boring school lecture.
WHAT I WANTED
That sex itself isn't shameful, but it's better with someone you're comfortable being vulnerable with. Someone you love.
The Question
MY TALK
I asked my mom what ‘oral’ meant in a sexual context. She started describing what sex was. I got grossed out, promptly told her I didn’t want to hear anymore, walked away, and felt confused afterwards.
WHAT I WANTED
I wish she'd talked about sexual health, safe sex, the emotional side of it, and told me I could keep coming back with questions.
The Nova Special
MY TALK
My parents sat me down in the living room and showed me a ‘miracle of life’ video from the PBS television show, Nova.
WHAT I WANTED
I wish they'd told me how easy it is to get pregnant without birth control.
The Coffee Table
MY TALK
My parents left a book about sex out on the coffee table, which of course I looked through when no one was around. One day, my mom asked me if I had any questions about the book. I said no. Not because I didn’t have any questions, but because I was horrified at the thought of talking to her about it. I didn’t really learn about what sex was until I heard Magic Johnson talking about his HIV diagnosis on Nickelodeon.
WHAT I WANTED
I wish my parents had talked with me about relationships, and how to choose who you let into your life, instead of just “don't have sex.”
The Little League Drive
MY TALK
My mother decided to give me ‘the talk’ on the way to one of my little league games. Focused on the basic mechanics of sex.
WHAT I WANTED
I wish she'd explained the biology. What sex actually is, and what happens.
For Married People
MY TALK
My mother was very bold in discussing the importance of sex for married adults, but didn’t explain the importance of sex in general, or the logistics and outcomes of sex itself.
WHAT I WANTED
I wish she'd explained how sex actually works.
The Doctor's Son
MY TALK
As the son of a doctor, I was engaged in many micro-“talks” over the years, where I learned about biology and functional sexuality, and then on the flip side, why people would want to do it.
WHAT I WANTED
I wish someone had told me how to protect my heart.
The Walk
MY TALK
My mom and I went for a walk and asked what I was learning in 6th grade science, because she knew we were learning about sex. I just said, ‘stuff about sex.’. And she said, “ok, if you have any questions, let me know.
WHAT I WANTED
I wish my dad had talked to me instead of my mom.
Almost 12
MY TALK
In lieu of “the talk”, my parents gave me the book “Almost 12” to read instead. The tone of the book was very morally conscious, and presented the topic with a focus on what is God-pleasing.
WHAT I WANTED
I wish someone had told me that urges and thoughts are OK and normal.